Irritations

I have been trying to hold back on sharing all the random thoughts that have plagued my brain for so long-trying not to overwhelm and scare away any reader that may have stumbled upon my page. So I have been rationing my thoughts and trying to organize how I want to share so many things. I think the best approach is a little at a time, just as you add flour to the cookie making mixture. If you add too much, the flour goes flying and all you have is a big mess. I don't want this blog to turn into a big mess!

So today I have decided that I want to talk about things that irritate me. Irk me. Kinda piss me off. You get the idea.

For the record- I irritate myself. I hate how I act sometimes. I hate how I feel the need to joke around when the subject isn't funny. Just to take the attention off of the true issue. I complain about my boss not valueing my opinions yet, I joke around so much, perhaps I have brought that upon myself. I am irritated that I cannot act like one of the mature 40 somethings in the office. I hate how I allow myself to be the the proverbial toilet paper- you know the person that you can just shit on. The doormat that people just walk all over. I hate that I let people depend on me, yet I insist that I stand alone and depend on noone-not for anything. I actually resist help.

I am irritated that I am the gauge upon which others use to explain "how fat" so and so is, or how the person is "big but not as big as you". Like really -go to hell. I wish I used that same gauge to say how ugly someone is and use them for the example. See how they like it.
At the same time, I have no real perception of body image. Time and time again I will watch the shows on the morbidly obese, or just weight related shows, and have to ask my daughter- am I bigger than her? Do I look like her? Why does she have "normal" size legs, arms etc., and I have everything fat? Why why why..And I know why. I just want her to lie - to say something to make me feel "not so big". And that irritates me. And she does say things to make me feel better- to justify why...but it doesn't make me feel better-because I know why she is saying it- And guess what- THAT IRRITATES ME!!

I am irritated that people who have had amazing weightloss hold up their "fat pants" and make a mockery of the fact that they used to be "THAT BIG". I feel that by doing that, you are slapping all the people that are trying to get out of those pants right in the face. I am also irritated by the fact that those same people do not realize that statistically, within a year or two of holding up those pants, they could be back in them. Of course I don't wish that upon anyone, and I admire all of those people for their hardwork, dedication and ultimate victory, I just hate the holding up of the pants. At the same time, I have no problem when I see the same person wearing the old pants and showing the major gap they have now, or when two people climb in the same old pants- to me that doesn't seem insulting.
Do you see a difference-or is it just me?

I am irritated with THE BIGGEST LOSER. I watch the show, and support all of the contestants, but I am so enraged by the things that the producers/trainers etc., make the contestants endure. At the weight that these people are ( specifically the last two seasons, especially THIS season), the physical expectations that they have put upon these people is bordering on abusive. The contestants on this show are morbidly obese. Expecting their joints, hearts, and other organs to perform like average weight adults is dangerous, stupid and unrealistic. Last season at the beginning of the show, the woman passes out and is hospitalized. Then someone else is in the hospital. That should have been a warning to that show- they are messing with fire. But do they take heed? NO. They go for even bigger contestants this season. God knows what we don't see on tape. These people have signed a contract, thought the worse that could happen is have Jillian scream at them a bit, and they would have an exercise and diet program that would help them lose boo-koo's of weight. There is no way anyone can convince me that the amounts of weight these people lose in such a short time is healthy. Work out or no work out- it is not healthy to lose 20 pounds in a week- first week or not. On another note- the degrading factor of making them remove their shirts for shock value to the audience is another thing that irritates the crap out of me. Strip them of their dignity, humiliate them, and then make them think you are there to help them. Sounds like an abusive spouse if you ask me.

So now that I have written all that, I am angry. Lol. I thought it would be a cleansing. To put my thoughts down and set them free. No, it has irritated me more to have thought of all the things that irritate me at one time. I have irritation overload. I think I need a Diet Coke. Even though I prefer Diet Pepsi =]